Doormat

 It has taken a lot of soul searching and a great amount of courage to write this particular blog.  I trust that it will be taken for what it is - an unburdening, a baring of the soul.

Is it necessary?  Yes.  Because I think people need to understand that kindness is not a weakness.  It is a strength.   It is based on confidence that one is loved and that every thing that matters, one already has.  Thus one can be generous.

The sketch above is that of two doormats. 

The Free Dictionary’s literal meaning of a doormat is a mat placed before a doorway for wiping the shoes.  Whether it says Welcome or Come Right In – it’s for stepping on.

The Urban Dictionary gives the colloquial meaning - someone who's really nice, kind, generous and sweet; often also smart and funny. They can be outgoing and extroverted, but still allow certain/most people to walk all over them.

This blog is about being a doormat.  Something I am afraid I have been accused of or labeled as.  Even by myself.  And I can happily say that I am not alone.  There are many of you out there like me who have, at one point in your life, been there.  That’s right.  On the doorstep - ready, willing and often times, proud to be.

Funny how easily you can spot them.  They are not the strong, quiet types.  Nor are they those shy, demure, meek-looking ones hugging the corner.  They are more likely the ones who can spin a tale and keep a group talking, or laughing at some silly story of about how she had mistakenly given her daughter milk of magnesia instead of cough syrup.  Yes, the ones who tell stories about themselves.  Not about their achievements or their family fortunes, but those laughing-at-myself stories which keeps everyone in stitches.

That openness and seeming accessibility is an invitation to any one :  Come on over –  share with me.   Take your coat off, slip out of your shoes and get comfortable. Unburden your heart here.

The Urban dictionary has other synonyms for doormat – nice guy, tool, pushover. Many of them so nasty, I dare not write them here.  It goes on to describe a doormat/doormats as - dedicated friends and partners, and infallibly there for anyone who needs them with advice, support, money, homework to be copied, and expect nothing in return.

A doormat is some one you can count on at any time of the day or night.  Just call or appear at the doorstep and say you are having a bad day or feel let down.  No long story or reason required.   A doormat has an inner scanner that can spot the slightest  trace of sadness or despair. It is what spurs a doormat into action.  The instant response is :  what can I do for you?

Does being a doormat mean you do not value your own self?  When you care so much about how the other feels or think, is it because what you feel or think does not matter? No, it is merely valuing the other person’s feelings as you value your own.  The old maxim holds true here – do unto others what you would like others to do unto you.  It is a doormat’s code of conduct.

The trouble with doormats is that they hope that the kindness they bestow on others will be passed forward.  That is why there is no direct expectation of gratitude or indebtedness. It is meant to be given freely to the universe and the universe will right itself.  Because that is the way it should be.

Except, it isn’t. 

Perhaps, that is why the doormat-type of person is taken as a fool.  Now, why would anyone want to give and expect nothing in return? Not in today’s world and the world before this and perhaps in the next. There is no such thing as something for nothing.

But what one often forgets is that a doormat is laid before a door.  A door which opens to a room.  A room where you know your secret, your pain, even your joy, will be kept sacred and will not be held against you later on.   A place where you know you are safe.

And that is something – for a doormat.  It is this validation of worth – as a keeper of secrets, as a person to run to in time of need, as a person of trust and a source of comfort. For the religious, it is being a Christian.  For those who do not share the same faith, it is the essence of humanity.

So, to all of you who have once been or have always been doormats, stay in front of that open door with pride.  For only one who is truly confident, truly at peace with one’s own self worth, and who knows that he/she is blessed with love, can be so benevolent.

 

Chicken Rice

This simple meal of chicken and rice is a family favorite.  It is a humble all-in-one-dish. But  for us, it is a feast - for the palate and for the soul.

The Chicken :

·      1 whole, free range chicken, rub salt all over the skin

·      Stuff the cavity with : 1 piece crushed garlic, 1 thumb size ginger and 2 spring onions

Boil about 8 cups of water or enough to cover the chicken.  Place the chicken in the boiling water and allow to cook for 20 minutes.  Turn the heat off and let the chicken sit in the hot water for another 20 minutes.   Take out the chicken and allow it to cool.  Remove the vegetables from the cavity.  Reserve the broth.

 The Rice : 

·      1 clove garlic, minced

·      ½ tsp. grated ginger

·      1 tbsp. spring onion, sliced fine

·      3 cups long grain rice, washed and drained

·      4 ½ cups broth

·      a bit of salt and pepper

·      1 tsp. light soy sauce

·      2 tbsp. corn or coconut oil

In a heavy saucepan or rice cooker, sauté the garlic, ginger and spring onions.  Add the rice.  Season with salt, pepper and soy sauce.  Pour in the broth. Mix  well.  If using a rice cooker, cook as you would ordinary rice.  If using a saucepan, allow the rice to boil, then simmer on low heat until the rice is cooked.  Add a bit more water or broth if  necessary.

The Sauce :

Blend or pound together  

·      1-2 fresh red chili peppers

·      1 thumb size ginger root, peeled

·      2 cloves garlic

·      1 tsp salt

Dilute with 1 tbsp. vinegar and 2 tbsp. oil

The Soup :

·      4 cups chicken broth

·      1 tbsp. oyster sauce

·      1 tsp. light soy sauce

·      1 tbsp. sesame oil

·      sliced spring onion

Boil the leftover broth once again, season with the oyster and soy sauce.  Add more salt & pepper according to your taste.  Just before serving, add the sesame oil and top with a few slices of spring onion.

 To Serve :  Cut the chicken into serving slices. Arrange in a big platter and serve family style. 
Or serve the chicken and rice in individual plates.  Complement with slices of tomato, cucumber and shredded lettuce.  Place the garlic/chili sauce in a dipping bowl and some light sauce in another.  Serve with a bowl of piping hot chicken soup on the side.  

 

Postcard from My Kitchen

This postcard is for you.  Wishing you were here next to me in the kitchen, talking about every thing and nothing at all. Laughing, giggling till the tears run from our eyes.  Sometimes shedding real tears of anguish … or just moaning.

Or else we could be in your kitchen.  With the baby crawling on the yet-to-be-cleaned floor.  Dinner gently simmering on the stove top.   Perhaps a bit giddy from trying to finish last night’s leftover red wine.

As I close my eyes, I see each one of you.  A friend in time of need, of hope, of joy, of merely passing away the time in the company of someone with whom one is completely at ease.  No invitation required here.  Just ring the bell and walk in.  Always welcome – day or night.

I miss the kind of friendship that goes beyond scheduled dinners and lunches or coffee mornings.

I miss the kind of friendship that transcends the Facebook variety.  In my book, a friend is someone who is comfortable enough to call and say, I had a bad day, do you have time to talk or come over? I really need a hug.     

In my book, a friend is someone confident enough to share the great news of a new job or a new beau knowing that even happiness can be shared.  Empathy is not only for the things that go wrong.  It is also for the things that go right. 

In my book, a friend is someone with whom one can share simple pleasures like watching back-to-back episodes of Brothers and Sisters, eating popcorn and sipping ice cold coke. Feeling like a couple of school girls cutting class, leaving plates unwashed on the kitchen sink and the husband’s un-ironed shirts in the laundry basket. 

Perhaps as we grow older we have forgotten how easy friendship can really be.  We have become encumbered by adult-inspired barriers such as political correctness, propriety and personal space. We find it harder to be spontaneous and to be truly honest.  We are no longer able to just walk over to a friend’s house, because well… I have time today.  Or pick up the phone and say ... hey, I miss you, want to have a cup of tea?

The postcard above is for all of you who have shared my kitchen table or in whose kitchen   I have ever sat in (living room couches count as well!); called on the phone or skyped; exchanged copious emails with;  or even worst, suffered through my barely discernible handwriting. 

There is a chair in my kitchen waiting for you to fill.  The one in my heart you already have.

 Orange Cupcake 

Ingredients

250 g/ 1 cup  butter, at room temperature

1 ½ cup  sugar

4 medium eggs

1 1/2 tsp finely grated orange zest (about 2 oranges)

• 250 g/ 2 cups  self raising flour 
• or 2 cups plain flour  + 3 teaspoons baking powder

+1/2 teaspoon salt

85 ml/ ¼ cup freshly squeezed orange juice

(Optional) For the icing:

125 g icing sugar

5 tsp freshly squeezed orange juice

Procedure

1.    Preheat the oven to 170C.  Lay the paper cupcake molds on the tin cupcake trays or in the silicon containers.  If you are not using cupcake paper, generously grease the cupcake tins.  Silicon containers do not need to be greased.

2.    Using an electric whisk, cream the butter and sugar together for 4-5 minutes until very pale. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, beating very well between each one, if necessary adding a spoonful of flour (or flour mixture) with the last egg to prevent the mixture from curdling. Beat in the orange zest. Add the flour all at once and mix in well, then slowly mix in the orange juice.

3.    Spoon the mixture into the prepared tins and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes or until a skewer, inserted into the center of the cake, comes out clean.

Optional -  For the icing, sift the icing sugar into a bowl and stir in the orange juice until you have a spreadable consistency. Spread it over the top of the cupcakes. 

The recipe above is for at least 12 normal cupcakes.  But you can use the same recipe for mini-cupcakes.  They will cook between 10-15 minutes. 
These cupcakes can be frozen, thawed and served when unexpected friends come to visit!!

 

Grand Motherhood

My head feels half-empty from 4 hours of interrupted sleep, my eyes are burning, the living room is littered with play dough, a wooden train and a scooter lean against the bookshelves in the study, cracker crumbs and half-drunk glasses of juice can be found in the most unlikely places – it’s lola (grandma in Filipino) day with Leon, my nearly 3-year old grandson! 

But could I be any happier?  

As I watch him pounding the floor with a 2-ft  plant stick to the rhythm of  You Tube’s segment of  Frozen’s  Heart,  for the upteenth time ( he knows how to press the repeat button on my computer), singing the last words …..bining, let it go! ...men…heart !   I can not wipe the smile off my face.  Nor can I repress this unreasonable swell of love and the need to grab him and crush him with kisses. 

I try to recall if I ever felt this way with my own children.  I must have.  I look at my bedroom walls and they are filled with photographs taken in various stages of their lives.  I go through their baby books and the entries I have logged in.  Yes, this warm, body-crushing hug-gy feeling I did have for my children as well.  

The beauty of  Grand Motherhood is that it brings back this once-upon-a-time part of my motherhood days.  I can see beyond the teenage years of closed bedroom doors with the music blasting, the silences in their twenties, today’s … really mom?   In my mind’s eye, I see myself dancing on top of the coffee table with a 3-year old Mike, whirling, singing to some forgotten song on the radio.  I hear myself laughing as I catch Amanda wearing that happy, so-proud-of-myself look on the face which she has smeared generously with her nappy rash cream. 

The days that we spend with our grandson have made my husband and I aware of the fact that we missed so much of our children’s growing years.  He was busy being a traveling salesman while I was engrossed in catching up with a career that had to be reinvented in every country we moved into. In our 30s and 40s, parenthood seemed merely a part, albeit a vital one, of the big picture. A still-life on the wall – happy couple with 2 kids, a house, 2 cars,  summer and winter vacations in exciting destinations. 

Grand motherhood is,  for me, payback time.  Both kids will attest to the fact that motherhood came easily to me.  Not that I was a natural at mothering.  It was because I had fulltime help and could play storybook mom.  The one who could spend quality time with her already-fed and bathed children.  The one who read the story, gave them a good night 
kiss and went off to join her husband’s business dinner or the neighborhood costume party.  

In our 60s, reconciled to the reality of broken career expectations and thankful for having lived the “good life” of the 80s and 90s, we now have time to appreciate every new word learned and repeated over and over again, every step taken towards the actual sitting in the potty, every new antic – be it naughty or nice. 

Grand Motherhood is a mother’s heart’s resurrection.  It brings back to life that simple, honest, unconditional love we shared with our own babies.  Babies who have grown up to be independent men and women:  whose “boo-boo” no longer needs to be kissed to make better; whose hands do not have to be held as they cross the street.

The truth is - Leon is growing up.  Much too fast for my sake.  As I bend down to untie his shoelaces, he brushes my hands off  and says :  “No. No, Lola… Leon”.  (Funny, how we work so hard at making our kids self-sufficient.  At the same time, making our own roles redundant. Obsolete.)

I know that our relationship will change. It is inevitable.  

Until then, I will happily babysit.  I will make up all sorts of excuses so that his parents will take him to our home and leave him with me for a day or two.  I want to be part of his journey of discovery.  Even if it means I have a messy household and a backache that lasts a couple of days.  For when he wakes up next to me with a big smile on his face (after a whole night of toilet runs and replenishing of juice bottles), rolls over, cups my face and gives me a good morning hug, I know that it really doesn’t get better than this. 

Grand Motherhood is really all about that warm, loving feeling.  Not to mention that smell that only babies and toddlers have.  Even their feet smell good!!

What’s the other perk  of  Grand Motherhood?    At the end of the day  (or two) you can always give them back to their moms and dads.   And, in a couple of hours, your home is as good as new.  Till the next visit!!  And that can’t come soon enough.

This week’s recipe, one of Leon’s favorites :

 Mini Spring Rolls

(A great way to give them a bunch of vegetables and make them think they’re having nuggets!)

Ingredients :

3 tbsp. oil for sautéeing

½ - 1 head of white, green or savoy cabbage or 1 whole Chinese cabbage or a mix of all 4, shredded or thinly sliced

4 large carrots, shredded or thinly sliced

1 cup, fresh or frozen green beans, chopped

1 cup, bean sprouts

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, chopped

200 gms. minced meat – chicken, pork or beef

100 gms. shrimps, minced (optional)

salt, pepper, 2 tbsp. light soy sauce

½ - 1 cup chicken broth or 1 chicken bouillon diluted in ½ cup of water

40 spring roll wrappers

¼ cup oil for shallow frying

Procedure

In a medium size wok or flat-bottomed pan, sauté the onion and garlic till soft and fragrant. 

Add the minced meat or shrimps.  Cook till the meat is brown or the prawns pink.  Season with soy sauce. 

Put in the carrots, then the beans, followed by the cabbage. Mixing well as you add each new  ingredient. Pour in the broth.  Toss the vegetables, making sure they are all coated with the broth.  Cook till the vegetables are tender but not mushy.  Add in the beansprouts.  Mix all the vegetables thoroughly.  Check the taste.  Add the salt and the pepper if necessary.

Pour all the vegetables into a colander.  The drained liquid and any leftover vegetables can be used as broth for fried noodles!

Once the vegetables have completely cooled down.  You can start wrapping them in rice paper.

This recipe will make at least 40 mini spring rolls!  They can be placed in plastic bags in small batches and frozen.  Ready for the time the little one comes to visit!! 

Frying the Spring Rolls

Heat ½ cup of corn or vegetable oil in a frying pan.

When hot enough, slowly put in one spring roll at a time. This prevents the oil from splattering.  Lay enough spring rolls to fit the frying pan.   Lower the heat and allow the spring rolls to brown on one side and then turn over to brown the other side.

When done, drain some of the oil by placing the rolls first on a paper towel.

Serve with catsup or sweet chili sauce. Or as is.

 

Stew vs. 3-Tiered White Chocolate and Fresh Strawberry Frosted, Pure Chocolate Chiffon Cake with Fresh Cream and Strawberry Filling

I drew the sketch for my first blog (Curtain Call)  even before I wrote the text.  The content was always in my heart.  It just had to be filtered and that took a bit of time.  

It was how I felt and I drew it in a few minutes.   Karina, my son’s life partner, filled in the colors and the picture came to life. 

But my husband did not like my sketch.  He said that it was not good enough.  So, he spent all of Monday night making it better.  The curtains were transformed into thick, red velvet drapes worthy of a grand concert hall and the girl with the slanted eyes became the darker cousin of Belle (of Beauty and the Beast fame).

It broke my heart to say I did not like it at all. It’s not me, I kept telling him. Reluctantly,  many variations of the sketch further, and close to midnight, he gave in.  All right then, if that’s what you really want. 

I knew (and will always know) that what he does is out of love.  It is his need to protect me, sometimes even from my self.   

I am not perfect.  Have never aspired to be.  If I were to equate myself with food, I would be a stew not a 3-layered pure chocolate chiffon cake lined with fresh cream and  strawberries frosted with white chocolate and topped with even more strawberries. 

Good enough is good enough for me.  It means that there is room for improvement.  Perfect is scary.  If I add another strawberry on the frosting will the cake topple over? 

As for the stew, it can be pork, beef, chicken, fish or a combination of any of the above. I am sure there are vegetarian versions as well.  Plus you can add most anything you have in the cupboard into it. Throw in the frozen peas, mushroom, beans, even some apricots.  It never tastes quite the same and never looks like the one you made before.  

But, when you get down to eating it ... it tastes like .... home. Yours. It is no longer some famous chef’s creation or some lady blogging in her kitchen about her grandmother’s all-time, foolproof concoction.  It is a one-of-a-kind and personal.

Most of my friends are stews.   Perhaps, I feel threatened by beautiful people.  The ones to whom success seems to have been given as a birthright.  It is so much more comfortable to be in the company of those who quietly go about life, taking the punches and celebrating special moments. Friends who make me feel like I'm sitting in front of a warm hearth on a cold day, not out in the arena about to face the lions. 
  

As I leaf through the pages of the glossy magazine at the hairdresser’s waiting room, I must admit a certain amount of awe and a tinge of jealousy at the lives of the rich and famous.  Oh, to be able to casually walk around in my Armani summer dress, to be able to lie down and sleep all the way to Manila in First Class (Business will do as well!) and not with my face scrounged against the airplane window, to have a swimming pool in the cellar… oh, to be a 3-tiered chocolate cake with fresh strawberries over the white chocolate frosting.

I do have a saving grace.  I am lactose intolerant.  I was never meant to eat such a rich cake.  Nor be one.  I am the lady that makes the stew.  And that is good enough.



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Here’s one of many stew recipes.  

This is the stew we had for dinner last Saturday.  I added black olives and slices of rookworst (smoked Dutch sausage) at the last minute because I was afraid it was not enough.  I am still eating the leftovers!!

Beef Stew ala Beef Bourguignon

1 tablespoon  olive oil
125 gms. smoked bacon, diced
1 kg. chuck beef, cut into about 1-inch cubes                                                                salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 big carrots, sliced into 1-inch chunks
2  onions, sliced
2 cloves chopped garlic
1/4 cup Cognac
1 cup dry red wine
1 cup broth (chicken, beef, pork or vegetable) 
or 1 cup water + 1 bouillon cube
1 tbsp. tomato paste, 1 tsp. sugar                               
spices -  choose 1 or more according to your own taste : 2 bay leaves, or 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves (1/2 teaspoon dried) or fresh or dried lemon oregano, fresh or dried tarragon

250 gms.  fresh white or brown button mushroom, cut in half and sautéed in a bit of butter  (if using tinned mushrooms, pre-cooking is not necessary)

Thicken with: 3 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature mixed with
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Directions:

Heat the olive oil in a large, thick-bottomed pot. Add the bacon and cook over medium heat for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the bacon is lightly browned. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon to a large plate.

Dry the beef cubes with paper towels and then sprinkle them with salt and pepper. In batches in single layers, sear the beef in the hot oil for 3 to 5 minutes, turning to brown on all sides. Remove the seared cubes to the plate with the bacon and continue searing until all the beef is browned. Set aside.

Toss the carrots, and onions, salt and  pepper in the remaining fat.  Stir occasionally and cook until the onions are lightly browned. Add the garlic and cook for another minute. Add the Cognac.  Stand back, and ignite with a match to burn off the alcohol. Put the meat and bacon back into the pot with the juices. Add the wine plus enough broth or water to almost cover the meat. Add the tomato paste and spices. Boil and then simmer gently for about 2-3 hours or until the beef is tender.

Add the mushrooms and allow to boil again.

Meanwhile, combine the butter and the flour with a fork.  Stir the mixture into the stew and mix gently until the gravy turns creamy. Simmer again for a few more minutes to allow the flavors to meld into each other.  Season with more salt and pepper or an extra bouillon cube if needed.

Serve with rice, noodles, roast or mash potatoes or crusty bread.

A fresh, mixed green salad or a dish of sautéed broccoli or green beans completes the meal.  

And don’t forget to serve the rest of the red wine with it!!